I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
