just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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