I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm really busy with my period
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