Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
