Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
