I want you more than these girls want KFC
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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