Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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