I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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