I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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