Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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