I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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