I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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