Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
