Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
