Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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