well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
