I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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