Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
