I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
