Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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