Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize