your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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