I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
