so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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