The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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