so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
two words...techno handjob
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
