Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
