Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
