Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
