We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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