My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
