i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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