haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
