Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
