So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
