i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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