I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
