she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
