I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
