he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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