oh god the rape fog is back!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
