Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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