i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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