Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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