Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
