Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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