I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
