I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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