wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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