are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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