My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
