Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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