you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
