I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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