this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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