Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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