You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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