i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
