He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
