I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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