What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
