I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
