you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
