saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
