Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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