He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am mentally ready for anal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize