I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
