I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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