Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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