I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
