You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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