Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
