it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
