Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
