My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
